After my previous roaring success at cooking (This Girl Cooks) this rather grey Saturday seemed the perfect time to roll up my sleeves and give it another bash. What culinary heights could I scale, what flavour combination could I innovate, what fabulous feast could I unveil? I searched and pondered trying to find the perfect challenge until eventually it came to me… vegetable soup! The jewel in any chefs culinary crown, I think we can all agree.
1. Look in your fridge, what vegetables do you have? Congratulations, whatever is there is probably fine.
2. Find your favourite Harry Potter film (Order of the Phoenix) online and start watching while you chop all your ingredients into tiny cubes. Don’t weigh the ingredients, it’s probably fine.
3. Ooh Umbridge is such a villain isn’t she? All pink and evil with kittens and a twinset.
4. Heat a little oil in a pan and fry your cubed veg for a few minutes until it starts to soften.
5. Add some stock. If it doesn’t look like you’ve added enough add a bit more. Add a bit of salt and pepper if you like, why not? You’re cheff-ing like a pro now!
6. Dumbledore’s Army training montage time and Ron promises to go easy on Hermione seconds before she blasts him across the room. Incidentally that scene always makes me think of this – Harry Potter told from Hermione’s perspective
7. Leave the soup to simmer for 10 – 15 minutes – this is probably just enough time to call your Mum.
8. This is not enough time to call your Mothership – turn the hob off when you can and settle down to find out all about the latest gossip from tai chi.
9. It’s probably about an hour later by now – return to the hob and blend the soup until it’s smooth.
10. Harry this is obviously a trap what are you doing?? Sirius is fine! Why does nobody listen to Hermione? Jesus Christ. Preheat your grill to about 200 degrees.
11. Taste the soup and season if needed. Cut off a wedge of camembert and place in an oven proof ramekin under the grill for as long as the next bit of the film is.
12. “Get away from my godson!” It’s not quite the almighty “not my daughter you bitch!” but then we can’t all be Molly Weasley.
13. “Nice one James!” Oh Sirius, right in the feels. Pop in some toast.
14. Nooo!! Sirius!! Just when it was all going so well.
15. In between sobs it’s now time to make your chutney. Do this by having a Mother who delights in making chutney and regularly gives you jars. Done.
16. The camembert should be gorgeously gooey now and piping hot all the way through. Ahh Harry’s giving a pep talk to his friends about life being worth living while wearing a corduroy jacket… he’s just the worst sometimes. Also on a fashion note was anyone else really disappointed with Dumbledore’s costumes throughout the films? In the books they sounded so wonderfully colourful – scarlet, emerald and violet, embroidered with golden stars! Yet in the films he’s always in some form of grey dressing gown! Hmm.
17. Congratulations, you now have vegetable soup with baked camembert and homemade chutney! Mischief Managed!